Auburn Football: LSU fans smell like corndogs

I’m sure most Auburn fans have heard about the LSU fans corndog story.

This story has traveled the interwebz. I honestly don’t know who actually wrote the story. I have only seen it posted on many different Auburn sites.

This story is not only popular with Auburn fans, but it is popular throughout the country as well.

Here is the story:

"LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.I would never tell them that to their face though. This is somethingbetter said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid. I am afraid that they’ll know I said it. I’ll walk past an LSU fansomeday, and he’ll see that look in my eye that gives it away.That look that says, “gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?”The next thing you know, I’ll have flat tires on my car. If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSUfans how they smell – you know, like corn dogs. LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If youattend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smelllike corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, “Wow, LSU sure doeshave a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.” It’s hard. I know. It’s like when you’re having sex and you try tothink about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball orwhatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: “Gee, Iwonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just likea corn dog?”; or “Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog tryingto make me think it is a real person?” or “What did that giant corn dogjust say?” or “Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactlylike corn dogs smell?” or, of course, after a silencer:“Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?” Heck, after what I’ve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be betternot to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them arenice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That’s okay.You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them.They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. Butdon’t be obvious about it. Somehow they know you’re trying not tobreathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They’ll likelypunch you for that if they catch on to what you’re doing.If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it’ll permeate your wholebody, and then you’ll smell like a corn dog just like they do. Butdon’t say, “Dang, now I smell like a corn dog.” They take offense tothat. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to getstitches or something. Just don’t say it. If you do start smelling likea corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay? I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel yourkids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving aroundtown, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window andsniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change intheir expression – indicating they smell corn dogs – might get a wrenchor pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that’sdangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows asyou drive – on some other weekend. I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dogstuff. What puzzles me most is that I’ve never actually seen any ofthese LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there’s nomystery there – maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?Maybe there’s a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.Maybe, there’s a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume.Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply –kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.The big political issue during the city election is whether they shouldadd more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don’t comment on itthough. It’s not politically correct over there. It’s like amalnutrition issue or something. It’s like the corn dogs are probablyadded to the water to prevent starvation or something. I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you’re thinking: “Ahhhh. Here I amin Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’ll bet the people here smell just likeboiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe’ or some fancy Cajun food.” But juststop thinking that. That’s just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corndog odor. And don’t try masking the odor with something stronger.They’ll curse at you. They’ll say something like: “WTF, how dare yousmoke a cigar in my home,” or “WTF!! Are you too good for the smell ofcorn dogs?” and they’ll cuss out your kids too: “WTF!!! Little Misterfancy pants over here acts like he doesn’t want to smell like corn dogs.”Cajuns are not like us. Don’t you see that, yet? They are reallysensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They knowthey smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all.I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Olemesses, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don’t pressyour luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don’t refer to Death Valley as corndog valley either. I mean that’s just wrong. Even if you’ve beendrinking, they’ll beat you up and curse out your kids.Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction –even if you’re laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,or sex or whatever. If you can’t control yourself and you must laughthough, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell theircorn dog body odor from a distance or that you’re choking on it orsomething. They’ll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campusbuilding over just one snort. So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing eachother. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heedmy words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans thisSaturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.Enough with this corn dog talk. Let’s play ball…"