Auburn football: Biggest red flags on offense you can’t unsee

The Auburn football team sits 3-1 heading into Week 5. Despite defeating Arkansas, 34-3, the Tigers dropped one spot in the AP Top 25 to No. 10.

Auburn only mustered 91 total rushing yards and, despite winning by 31 points, Arkansas had 65 more yards of total offense.

And there it is. That is why Auburn dropped. That is almost unheard of, and if not for defense and special teams Auburn would have been absolute toast.

So what’s going on? If you have stood within the 8-foot anger radius aka “The Thunderdome” that surrounds an Auburn fan within the last 2 weeks then maybe you have an idea. I have listed the biggest Auburn red flags I have seen thus far and I would rather lobotomize myself than continue seeing these.

SPOILER ALERT: IT’S *mostly* THE OFFENSIVE LINE.

1. Running a failed shotgun formation MULTIPLE times on fourth-and-1. Picture this: Auburn drops the ball back 5 yards in an attempt to gain 1, loses 3 yards instead.
2. Jarrett Stidham, who is engaged and from Texas, running for his life in the pocket on nearly every play.
3. Missed assignments on the offensive line. The LSU game is full of missed assignments. There is no sign of cohesion on this line. Life hack: When the defense moves to a different gap you have to know who’s blocking who. Re-watch the Arkansas game and look closely at how Arkansas linemen run stunts as soon as Stidham snapped the ball. The O-line never adapted and as a result, our run game was silenced. That O-line is going to drive a lot of people to the cardiologist or bartender.
4. Failure to identify biggest playmakers. It’s one thing to play freshmen, but it’s another thing to enter the season in the midst of a “running-back-by-committee” mentality.
5. If one more LSU fan sends me a video of the field goal I’m going to ask the USDA to recall all of the corndogs everywhere.
6. The Carlson brothers have not recovered from the collateral damage caused by the curse of the voodoo doll from LSU weekend.
7. I’m not saying Auburn is perfect and that we lost the LSU game because of officiating, but these SEC refs are about as consistent as McDonald’s ice cream machines.
8. DON’T DO ANYTHING TO GET A FLAG THROWN AT YOU, DUH.
9. That cute little bubble screen we do across the field on first or second down that only gets 1 yard if we get lucky. “I don’t even follow football but I think they’re going to throw it to that guy again” — sarcastically spoken by my friend who doesn’t even follow football, analyzing Auburn’s offensive play-calling.
10. Are they counting to Mississippi in the sugar huddle? I don’t get it.

Special shoutout to the beautiful Auburn defense and special teams: I just wanted to let you know that I love you, you’re doing amazing sweetie, and please don’t transfer.